Why the Tree of Life?

6.29.2008

Time Apart

Kirven took a big step this last week by going by himself to stay with his grandparents for a week. He was with Evan's parents the first half of the week and with my parents the second half of the week. This is something he wouldn't have been ready for a couple months ago. We've seen a real shift in his consciousness. I've conincidentally been re-reading the Enki Early Childhood Guide this week in preparation for this coming fall, and I found this very fitting section:


"As she steps into the separateness and independence of a 'mind stage' [around age 5 1/2] she also feels the loneliness that is inseparable from being independent. No matter how well bonded she has been in her first years, this shift towards independence and its sense of alone goes with the turf. She simultaneously has the need to test out her metal and the need for reassurance that she is an inseparable and safe part of the whole."


What makes this so very interesting is that Kirven, in the last couple weeks, has been a bit more clingy at times, claiming he is 'lonely,' to the point that he has been my shadow throughout the day and refusing to go play. I just chalked it up to the insecurity that must come from having a newborn in the house, but perhaps it has more to do with the developmental stage he is at? Evan and I have both been sensing that he has been needing something--- something challenging, and we thought that maybe he was ready for a trip to the grandparents on his own. I had some misgivings given how clingy he had been, but when we proposed the idea to him, he was very excited. And by all accounts, he didn't miss us at all, so I think it was perfect timing. I'm curious to see how next week will be. Will he feel a little more balanced?

The other interesting thing has been how Dunagan has really mellowed while Kirven has been gone. He's been calmer, and I think it's because he hasn't had someone egging him on. He's also had my undivided attention to hear all his stories, and he has been able to play in whatever way he would like to play without interruption. At times, he has been sad that Kirven is gone because, after all, they are buddies, and he has projected that feeling onto Ayla as well, telling her not to worry because 'Dunagan is still here." But I have been glad for this experience not just for Kirven, but for Dunagan and me as well.

2 comments:

  1. I think we've experienced something similar with Ian at times -- that sort of angst that means the wings are sprouting a bit -- growing pains, perhaps? The grandparent solution sounds like it worked well for everyone.
    Amazing how when you have three, having only two around seems so different!

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  2. We are going through this at our home right now...P is 5 1/2 and wants SO to be independant, but still needs to know we are there for backup.

    He just lost a tooth...so many changes at this stage.

    Great blog! I LOVE the picture of all three of your children together...such contentment on their faces!

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